Selfish

I think... I'm in a better place today. Shady would be pissed at me for losing it like I did. I hardly set a good example for the others. (Won't call them kids any more... Lullaby complained.) Breaking down in a crisis when you have people depending on you is selfish.

The wards are good. I've checked them all and none have been messed with. I guess I have to accept Dodgy's version of why they failed to keep Victor and Oracle at bay. That leaves me in a quandary. I don't want to keep the fae out (they have as much right to be here as me), but I don't want Victor to come back and take anyone else. It's something I have to think on.

The possibility that Victor and Oracle are fae really weirds me out. I guess it explains some things, but then it turns everything else I thought I knew on its head. And... I saw their auras. To be honest, it used to be I only sensed auras, like an energy field. I could never actually see auras beyond my own... which is also weird because you're not supposed to be able to see your own aura. Now I see auras everywhere. It's a migraine waiting to happen. I should eat... I haven't been able to really eat since...

I made a spell to track Shady. I don't know what I would have done if it had worked, but it failed... utterly. I don't know where she is. I don't even know if she's alive. It's selfish to hope that she is... I know it. But I want to believe she'll come back.