Weight on my neck, wind to my wings

Executor is pissing me off.

He does in general, but I do not like to have innuendo thrown at me. After that note the other day, I really don't want to have anyone, and certainly not him, mention my family. It's bad enough they think I'm a freak and won't let me do what little I can for them. At least they're staying in my house, which is warded to the gills.

I really need to replace my phone and call home. Isn't it amazing that no matter how old you get, your family can still make you feel like shit? I don't want to call home, but I feel I have to given the circumstances. I feel like I'm being pulled in two directions, but how do I take care of people that don't want me? Aren't I allowed to move on? I've done all I can for them. I should be allowed to get on with my life at this point. Isn't thirty-seven old enough to live my own life and have a family that does accept me?

So sick of my family's bullshit. A nasty, selfish little part of me wishes they would shun me and never speak to me again so that I wouldn't have to deal with them any more. I wouldn't have to worry that something has happened to them now because how could hurting people who want nothing to do with me have any affect on me. Executor and Tat or Tiamat or whoever is just trying to psych me out. Half the time I think I've been saddled with my family just to keep me in check, never allowed to be free of them. I mean how many years do you have to live as the black sheep of the family, weighted down by their disapproval, before you get to part ways? Anyone else in my position could safely have wiped their hands of them long ago.

I only left knowing E-Bear would be safe in my house, and now I'm being pushed back to them. I'll replace my phone, but I'm not going home no matter what they say. I've had enough. They're selfish, and I've given them enough of my heart already. They don't need me and they definitely don't want me. They've made that abundantly clear on more than one occasion. Yet whenever I have reason to interact with them, they're always holding their hands out. Enough. All that I have left of my heart is mine to share with those who appreciate it.

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The tire was still where I last saw it by the side of the road when I made my rounds looking for work- another reason to replace my phone, not that Shady's gotten any messages for me on hers so far. One man's garbage is another's treasure. There were grooves in one of the branches of the massive oak at the back of the garden to show the tire was not the first swing to grace its branches. It's a tree that's seen a lot of love in the past, and I can tell it appreciates the new attention. The garden is still a tangled mess, but if Trina follows the remains of the stone fence that once surrounded it, she can get to the swing without too much effort. I attached safety pins to the rope, and little protective charms painted on ribbons to them which flutter with each swing. With the shade under the tree, they should stay bright until the end of the year. Even if Ron's not back there with her, she should be safe enough to play.

I tried again to explain to Shady, as well as Trina and Ron, about the nature spirits in the house and woods that would give me forewarning of any home invasion by other supernatural entities and also keep the place from falling on our heads. Trina was the most credulous and has been looking for "fairies" ever since. She's such a sweet child. Reminds me of myself when I was little... When I was twelve I calmly told my mother goodbye and sat in a doorway from 11 to 3 AM on Midsummer's Eve, hoping the fairies would come and steal me away. Sadly, they never did, despite my desperation.

It's hard to explain magic and energy to people who have no reason to believe in it. Not when science has claimed so much territory. I resorted to scientific terms, which seemed to at least make my audience thoughtful on the subject. Energy flows through everything, like power through a computer or phone, allowing it to function within certain parameters according to its design. There are layers of sophistication in all designs, most of which we are incapable of understanding or even fully exploring. But some people are able to interact with these "programs" and convince them to adopt functions that fit within their predesignated worldview. Call it "hacking reality" if you like, or bending the matrix. Once I couched it in those terms, Trina became very interested, which is only natural given her savant-like skill with computers. Ron was silent as usual, and Shady just shrugged. Well, at least they weren't openly derisive like my mother and siblings would have been.

Now back to work on wards for the house. Yes, I trust the nature spirits to keep me informed, but I'd just as soon keep anything hostile away before the spirits have reason to become excited. With Prosper lurking about and the mysterious note writer, Executor being an ass, and some anonymous kid giving Trina the heebiejeebies, it's best I get the wards up as soon as possible... but there are a lot more holes in this building. It's hard to guard them all from invasion.