Monday, July 11


Shady's not sleeping. I wonder how much of that is my fault. Not just with what went down at the Asylum but because she knows about the tree branch that nearly brained me and the girl I saw through the hole in the wall. I'm almost positive that was a dream. Besides, Trina would have told us if she had a twin. It was probably just my paranoia getting the best of me, at least according to the fine, now probably dead, doctors at Limeport Asylum. If they'd had to deal with the crap I've had to deal with, they'd be gibbering in a corner inside a week.

I worry about Shady as she roams the house at night though. I think she's noticed Ron keeps disappearing. I haven't said anything to her about it, though I know she'll read this and give me hell if she hasn't noticed it. I'm just not sure if we can trust him, not the least of which because Sunshine doesn't. Sunshine may not communicate well, but there's no mistaking he doesn't like Ron. I thought it was a male thing at first, but he's fine with Drake and Ecko. I don't want to upset Trina, but I can't help what I've noticed. Ron obviously loves her dearly, but that doesn't make me trust him. Lots of people have done horrible things for Slenderman to protect their loved ones. I just hope I'm wrong, and he's simply anxious, like Shady.

Sometimes Sunshine accompanies Shady on her walks, and then at least I know someone's got her back. I don't like to think of her walking around the grounds or in the woods with no one to know if she's run into trouble or not. No one to rescue her or even know where she is. I don't know what to do for her. I see her start tapping her hands or her feet, anxious to get up, anxious to do something, and I think... I could give her valerian or chamomile, and then I mentally slap myself for considering drugging my best friend.

But she needs to sleep.

Nathaniel Crowley is coming for a visit. I'm glad for that at least. I'm glad when anyone chooses to come stay with us. I want to keep everyone safe, everyone. I look at them and see family. Friends are family you choose. If anyone tried to hurt my family, my chosen family, there'd be hell to pay; I promise you that. I'm under no illusion that my pacifism is a veneer at best. It's a sweet little story I tell myself about how I have control of my anger issues. After what my sister did, what my mom let her do... My anger has never been closer to the surface. Let someone come mess with us like that Prosper ass who's been haunting Shady, and I'll teach him a lesson about invading a mama bear's territory. Shady doesn't remember what she did as a child. I've got blank spots as well, but even the things I do remember, I wish I didn't.

And I've gone off on a tangent... I've been doing that lately. Can't keep to a topic. The dregs of whatever they put in me at the Asylum maybe. Hopefully. I'm sick to death of people manhandling me or trying to control me. I just want to ROAR and tear them all to pieces.


Never mind...

Mr Crowley's coming and hopefully he can set Shady's mind at ease with more concrete defenses than I can offer, or at least electricity so we don't have to trek to Shady's place or the nearest coffee shop to make these posts any more. She also mentioned something about an electric fence. I don't know how feasible that is considering I have issues with electric fields, but we'll see. I hope I can get Mr Crowley to stay. His posts and comments have taken on a quality of despair since the UC. I want him to feel safe here, at least safe enough to rest and recover his equilibrium. A man his age shouldn't be running around the country.


  1. Ron's disappearances are hard not to notice, especially when I'm up most of the time and know where the majority of you all are a majority of teh time. It's not like I haven't debated getting NyQuil and passing out or something, even tried it... That stuff knocks me the hell out but it's not working. At this point I think I should just ride out this not sleeping thing because the usual methods are not working. If it gets worse and starts bugging my state more obviously and burdens my daily routines I'll take you up on the drugging.


    I don't know. I say it's fine now but already I am second guessing after what was found out at Limeport Asylum. Maybe it's a bad idea to be drugged... Yea, fuck that option. Right now, at least, I think. Yea.

    We obviously still have some anger that needs venting, we should get working on outlets before shit spills over.

  2. betrayal assault imprison
    such sad sounds surround you
    what stayss your hand?
    why spare the depraved the killing blow?

    i deal in mercy that you cannot
    stand aside now, i will lay them low
    a gift for you
    all dead all dead all dead
    come and see

    do you love?

  3. Victor... So long as there is life, there is the possibility of change. Take life away and that person is no longer able to correct their past transgressions. They would never reach a point where they realized they did wrong, and therefore they would never know the possibility of regret.

    It is enough that I am not with my family any more. I want them to live long, healthy lives. And if that is only possible away from me, then so be it.

    Your compassion is much appreciated though. It gives me hope that you too can change.