Wednesday, May 25

Misery loves company

But that's not my name, and I don't love company... at least not my entire family camped in my house. It's a constant bombardment of negative emotions that make me want to run away. I did try to run away, twice, when I was a kid. The first time I filled up my Red Ryder wagon with all my worldly possessions, intent upon escaping to the mountains. I didn't make it very far. The second time I planned things better, taught myself about foraging and living off the land, gathered my supplies, slowly and in secret, planning again to escape to the mountains. And then Slendy came and mucked around in my head. After I got angry, I didn't think about running away any more. I only thought of how I could make everyone sorry for not loving me.

I'm glad I out grew that, but it doesn't mean I am loved. I've never been loved. I have waited my entire life to feel loved and despite all I give, despite my patience and care... my family treats me like a pariah. They are staying in my house, eating my food, and yet I am not doing enough for them. I am a vegetarian and they complain about the lack of meat. They complain about the lack of space. They just.... complain. I have never asked for anything from anyone, my unwillingness to impose is almost pathological, but they still consider me a burden. Despite my lack of interest in money, I am the one they go to when they need to borrow. And I already mentioned my sister made me PAY to borrow her car.

Even my mother has never really loved me. I was a reminder of all the poor choices she made that caused her to marry my father. She has some affection for me, but she secretly resents me and always has. She has never sacrificed for me as she does for the others, never gone out of her way to assure herself that I was happy. My great grandmother outright abused me as a child and then would tell my mother all the "horrible things" I had done while she babysat me. All because as first born, I reminded her of my father. She died in a Alzheimer fugue, so I couldn't exactly hate her at the end, but she did a lot to scar me emotionally. Who then, in my life, have I ever had to look up to? All I can say is that it's a good thing I read, or I'd never have been exposed to the kinder sentiments.

There has literally been no one in my life ever who cared. Not family, not friends when I was a child... no one. And while my family might mourn me if I dropped off the face of the earth tomorrow, as it's the civilized thing to do, they wouldn't miss me. No one would.

I've seen the Shadowchild in the house. She bolted into a corner when she noticed me and disappeared into the shadows there like she was a part of them. I don't think she's a proxy. I don't know what she is, but I think my niece is safe with her...

So why I am even here?


  1. You are there because you are the better person
    Despite them being cold
    You protect them
    Like you protect everyone
    They are blind not to see that they are missing out on someone amazing
    Stay safe friend

  2. You're here because you're someone with the skin of a rhino, the heart of lion, and the soul of an angel.
    My father and his siblings went through many beatings as a child, and as a result the only emotions he shows today are anger or a childlike rudeness. He used to be so abusive...
    However you are not like this at all. You are very caring, protective of loved ones, and have a soul worth valuing.
    It is quite a shame that your family can't see this outstanding person that we all do. Perhaps one day they will, we can all hope.
    I wish for you to save safe as well.
    Live happy

  3. You are here for others to look up to and learn from. Someone has to fight the good fight. It may not be seem rewarding but you are making a difference and teaching those around you, physically or otherwise, what it means to be a good person.

  4. You stay here because you are everything I wish to be. You protect, you love, despite what the bitter people do.

    Do stay, if you think it is what is right. Someone must look out for your little E-Bear, for those who may not be in the right hands.

    I am so sorry your family has not loved you, that they still may not show it...But we love you. I love you for the courage and understanding you have shown. This may not make up for a family's love, and I have not seen it either, but I cannot summon the words as others who have can. I grew up not knowing it, not even seeing it, so even though we may have similarities I cannot relate to what you are feeling.

    I only wish that one day you are able to feel appreciated, and to know love.

  5. Y̨o҉ư'r̨e͟ ͢h̨e͜re̷ ̶bec̢a͝us͡e,͞ despite͞ ̕ȁ͙̥ͭͬͬ̋͛l̷̮̤̦͊̽ͣ̆̃̃ͫl̘͂̔͘ ̵y͜ou̕'͡v͜e g̕ǫńe̛ ̶t̸hr̕oug͘h, y͘où've bȩe̴ń abl͢e ̴to ̶hol̨d̷ o̢ut a̜͔̹̹̿ͣń͈̱͙̼̎̏d̾͌ͭ͆̐ b͢e a g͜o͘o̧d pe̶rs͘o҉n̨. D̤e̬͔͚̮͒̌̅͆͂ͥs̡̙̥̑͋̅̂͐p̸̮͚̼̐͌̓i̖̪͕̰̹ͨͪ͌͊̀t̴̍ͦͥê how aw̢fu͘l y̛our̷ ͏f͡a͠m̀i͞ly͡ is͜,̷ y͜ou ̡ar͞e st̀iļl͜ a g̛reat̢ pe̡r͢so̶n̡.̸ ̛S͠ta͜y ̡s̸trơng. S̨t̡a̧y̶ ̷s̸a͏f̷e̡.

    ~̠̤̮̰̤͇͓ͤ͗̆̎E̷͈̟̖͈͉t͛e̠̱̋͒͑͊͑̃͒r̝̘̳̝̉ͫ̊ͨṇ̻ͧ̌ͩ͗͌a͕̞͑͒̍̈̉̀l̢̔̍̚ḻ̵͔͖̗̻yͨ͌̋̿͠ ̦͓̅̾͘A͍͓̜̲̮̬ͪ̆͢n̙̦̦̪̬͆ȍͥ̎̓ͧ͜ͅnͯ͗̃̌̅҉͙͙̹ẏ̍̋m͉͎͉̟̰oͧ̈̽̾҉̬u̔͆̀̇ͥs̷̬͍͕̱~́

  6. *i meant for you to be safe
    sorry typing is retarded today....

  7. How pathetic. Do you really think you can help anyone?

  8. You’re here because you have a good, strong heart. Do you really think the Shadowchild can replace you? Would E-Bear not miss you if you were not here? You're a good person, so snap out of this funk. We care for you.

    Actually, Avatar, he has helped a few already.


  9. Thank you everyone for your kind words. I get so frustrated by how... inhumane people can be to one another, especially family.

    Avatar... if the other commentators are to be believed, I already have. Though I concede that I am useless to those closest to me. I have to wonder if I do more harm than good by staying.

  10. Those who believe you have helped are fools. You are obviously marked. Those you get close to will fall along with you, if not by HIS hand, then by that of another.

  11. Is that a threat? I didn't know you were afraid of me.

  12. Fear, Fear is for the weak. I am not threatening you, just warning. I will do nothing against you, at least not yet. My Master has no interest in someone so pathetic and hopeless.

  13. And who is the other if not your people? Eh? Going around offing people who aren't a threat to you is a waste of resources and secret societies don't last long if they're stupid.

  14. That is something I will not reveal to you. But know VINDICATE has no interest in wasting it's time on you. It's a shame, you showed so much promise originally.

  15. The idea that your group no longer thinks I show promise is more comforting than not. I have enough on my plate without worrying about this cloak and dagger BS.

  16. Maybe one day you will find your passion again and we will meet face to face, goodbye Mystery

  17. I really do enjoy reading this blog, Mystery. You're a fascinating case. Special, like Shady, but yet weaker, I believe. Whereas Shady is limber, you are stiff with emotion. It would be fun to play with you. Allow me to be frank when I say I want to dissect your brain and see how you tick. Until then, I'll just have to settle with examining this delightful little blog. If you happen to see Shady, tell her that hide-and-seek is a boring game. You should encourage her to come back willingly, so we can engage in some real fun together! You could tag along as well! Just food for thought.

    Look at me, rambling about the future while there are things to be done. I'll be seeing you later, Mystery. Oh, and on a final note, did you enjoy my little essay concerning the events that occurred while Shady was in my care?


  18. @Advocate Weaker? It takes more strength to hold oneself back than run wild. You should try it sometime. Consider it a growth experience.

  19. @MCPL.Sellers I think she will be better off without me to bring more trouble into her life.