Sunday, January 30

#4 My Story

He came for me when I was 15.

This was still decades before the present blossoming of SM-related activity. Maybe I was simply lucky that He hadn't perfected His techniques.

For years already I'd thought I was going mad, and it was possibly only my love of reading that spared me actual madness as I learned about psychic ability and empathy, arguably my strongest ability, though by no means my only one.

Without warning, I woke in the middle of the night to find Him looming over me.

At the time, I lived in a rickety addition to the house... down a long hall with a sagging floor to a small, box-like room. There were two doors to pass to get to my room, both with locks, both of which I kept locked. I was having issues at school (it's not easy being an empath), and more often than not, I refused to go. So I kept both doors locked so my mother couldn't try to force the issue.

The windows along the hall opened onto nothing. The hall itself was built over the walk to the back door, and there was nowhere for anyone to climb up to the windows. There was only small window high up on the wall with a sliding pane in the room where I slept. I could not even have fit my head through it. The small room where I slept was only large enough for my bed and a tv. My dresser and bookshelves were in the hall.

I describe these rooms to you, so you'll have some idea of what went through my head when I woke up with a strange person standing over me. He was close because there was no way for Him not to be. There was no room for Him to be anywhere but close. The moonlight came through the window like a blade, but it illuminated only the lower half of His face and the tiniest portion of His chest. Everything else was in shadow.

Unlike you, who are reading this now, I had no idea then who or what this stranger was. I only knew that there was no way He could have gotten into my room. No, conceivable, way.

He made no move, but neither could I. I felt paralyzed, crushed, and at the same time, prodded and examined. It felt like I was pulled out of myself and stretched, blended. I wanted to scream, but I could barely breath.

The only thing I could think was... You can't be here! You can't be here!

I repudiated Him. It was my space. Inviolate. Mine. No one was allowed into my space. Not even my family.

Slowly I moved. Slowly I rolled over and turned by back on Him.

It was perhaps the hardest thing I'd ever done.

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